A recorded announcement in a psychiatric hospital

[nula <2-me00@sovsem.net>]

A recorded announcement in a psychiatric hospital

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
 
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. 

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. 

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship. 

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press... no one will answer because no one cares.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969 or 69696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a
representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
number, date of birth, identity card number and your mother's maiden 
name.

If you have post-traumatic disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y
press 0-0-0.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for
the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you are blonde, please, please don't press any buttons. You'll just
mess it up.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up... no one wants to talk to
you..


--
Best regards,
  nula (mailto:2-me00@sovsem.net)    02.02.2003, 12:10